My own existence has long been on my mind. Who am I? Where do I come from, and where will I go? Do I have a soul or a spirit? Besides thinking about this a lot, I have read a myriad of books on spiritual issues, and studied all kinds of meditation and religious writings and the theories of the principal philosophers. I have read psychology. And I have, of course, observed myself and others. For the last years I have been fascinated by research in the field of neuroscience, especially the human brain. Our technical skills are now so great and advanced that we can focus on the core of ourselves. We can examine and study phenomena about which we could only speculate before. What is the will? What is free will? What is the self? What happens when we die? What is love?

Striking results are published every week, like research that shows that our brain has made a decision up to five seconds before we make a conscious decision ourselves. There is, of course, a certain paradox in these researches. That’s mainly because now the brain is examining itself scientifically. And these researches and their findings lead us into the most unlikely fields: philosophy and ethics, psychology, physics and theology, to name but a few. Nothing seems to indicate that this science will not transform our view of the world during the next years and decades.

Why do I always repeat the same mistakes?

I have often felt like a passenger in the vehicle that is Me. I have often wondered why I have done things this way and not the other, why I reacted like this and not differently? Most people are familiar with this. Why do I love this person and not someone else? Why do I always repeat the same mistakes? Why can I not break bad habits etc.? The list is endless. Our existence is full of doubt and questions. I, like many others, have often felt like I am being lead into and through some situations. Like some outside elements are steering me, and usually this fares best when the part of me that I feel is “myself” is thinking about something else. This has been so decisive in my life that I have tried to find out what it is. Is it God? After extensive examination I have concluded that it is not so. Why would God confuse me, make me drive somewhere I did not intend to go, and make me run into my cousin there by accident? If God is messing about with such trivialities, he is not the God he pretends to be. He would focus on assisting people who really need help. He would not think about me at all. So I reject this idea. But what about angels and dead relatives? Is it possible that this lot is in another dimension with the task to help me and others in our daily troubles? It is an inviting idea, but I don’t think it holds. There is nothing to support it. And the effect of this work is almost none, considering the labor that must lie behind it. I’m inclined to think that this is intuition. You follow your intuition, it is not always conscious. And it is not God, or the devil, or grandmother’s ghost, or Michael the archangel who leads us on, but our brains.

It’s just a ride!

After a long search and great effort I have concluded that the main reason I have not found myself is that I do not really exist, at least not in the sense that usually is attributed to the word. I’m just a biological robot controlled by the supercomputer which is my brain. This computer controls my whole life, my perception and awareness of reality. And it confines me in the same way. I can only see certain colors and only sense a few dimensions. It gives me information. And when I dream at night I am looking at my own thoughts. I am a passive instrument of this brain. My personality is like an avatar, and in reality just a certain interface. Some people like it, and others don’t, but I am no more a real being than a character in a video game.

What I feel I am saying here is, therefore, a misconception. My brain is just using my fabricated persona to get information to your brain. Your brain is using you in exactly the same way by making you read this. Our brains want us to interact as much as possible to share information, genes and even bacteria between us. An attractive girl meets a handsome man and starts kissing him. Is it love or something spiritual? Or are their brains just using them to exchange bacteria in order to strengthen their bodies’ immune system? I think so. The Internet is another good example. The human brain did not make the Internet so that we could enjoy looking at porn or playing Candy Crush. The Internet is an information network between brains, and our conscious selves only see a fraction of what goes on there. The brain is the real leader in our lives.

We are being tricked by ourselves. But we can relax and try to enjoy it. We do not, in effect, exist and therefore there is no reason to be afraid or be angry. It’s just a ride! Have a nice weekend.